taylor_kix
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Name: Caleb
Country: Taiwan
Gender: Male


Interests: i luv all sports, everything. I am just searching for my soulmate, but i of course still luv bball and jazz. Jazz pianist is my specialty btw...
Expertise: amatuer basketball, medical science, poetry, and jazz
Occupation: Student
Industry: Education/Research


Message: message meEmail: email me
AIM: PianoJrdn


Member Since: 4/23/2004

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Wednesday, November 04, 2009

Waiting and betting

Waiting for the second best thing of the year to come strains the heart but keeps it excited at the same time. The best thing that's happened to me this year is my restored dedication to my faith as a Christian. There's a lot to look foward to. Restarting my bible reading and stuff, hopefully making up for the lost time last school year. I have also checked out some books that i might be interested in reading from time to time. Again, not being too greedy, so i am aiming to get 60% of the goals i have sort of set up.

For the most part, betrayal of brotherhood gave me an awakening to certain things. that includes not trying to fit into other people's values but instead try and hold myself accountable to my faith and MY own values. If what i do is in account with what the Lord wants then it's totally fine. Everyone has their own set of principles. I have mine too, and apparently I sacrificed a bit too much to a certain "brother", whom I thought cared about my feelings. Sometimes it really takes some guts to stand up for what i believe in.

On the other hand, i am betting that by december or january of next year i would be able to see you. I know you are trying your best, and I won't put any pressure on you. The "bet" is that we'd be able to work things out at a time when i am transitioning from school to hospital. God bless us all.


Saturday, October 31, 2009

I am going to be right here standing.

One more month....one more month.

I will stand strong and wait.

biggest bet i have done in a long time.


Saturday, October 03, 2009

Beginning of October

It has been good in september. God watches over me as i battled the first ER test and made sure i was in good hands. User friendly test so to speak. Been watching a lot of movies but haven't really gotten around to writing this blog because i havent had the energy or the motivation to do so.

Relationship wise, i am still single, but status? Simple. Complicated. Oscillations. Just the waiting part that's the hardest i guess. to see what God really prepared for me.

My left arm has a strain that i have yet to finish rehab.....my shot is off and i am having problems maintaining my weight as we speak.

Gotta lose weight....and gotta have some more control over my stress.


Saturday, September 05, 2009

prelude to fifth year

The last time i wrote in this blog, i ended with a very angry note. i guess that's just the way things are back then. right now i am just passively looking and being smart about my choices in terms of relationship. To be honest, I think i am doing a pretty good job at it. i truly believe that the changes i have made will somehow fit into the society i am in right now and at the same time, not lose my own personal touch to life.

Many of my friends in the US see the pains I go through and sometimes wonder why i ever stayed. the truth is, not everyone has the choice to go to the States to study. Not everyone has the money or the capability of doing so. Let alone the strings one would need to pull to get a job sometimes. I am not one who ignores my friends' suggestions, but i think it's logical to say that i have to suck it up and try to stay sharp now.

the last 3 weeks of summer were devoted to classes that made me feel stressed. it also reminded me about how competitive the school i am in is. i really need to be focused and alert. As i would always say back then, buckle up and gear up for some engine movement.

interning outside of taiwan is a dream, but couldnt be achieved by mere dreaming. i need to do some action. some recs....some things that need to be taken care of.

i want to win this war.

and leave with no regrets.


Saturday, August 22, 2009

Good bye Julie Tran

It's over. After a year of emailing, MSN, and talking.

My e-friend haha.

I guess I wasnt there just yet. I don't put all my eggs in a basket just coz the basket is attractive or what. I placed a number into it. I don't have that many baskets....but you can't blame the fact that I don't feel the security of doing so. The only person I would do that for would be Jesus Christ himself.

Something people here need to know, is that I'd never sacrifice self-esteem, self-respect, and my future because of just one person who isn't even related to me on a higher emotional level. I may be romantic and all that, but i know when to stop a bad investment when i see one. The eggs had slowly left the basket the moment I sensed the withdrawal. The emails that never got back. The phone calls that ended with crappy remarks. I am not a dumb-ass. I knew what was going on, but still i left that one egg in the basket, hoping you'd prove me wrong. I gave you the benefit of a doubt, but you extinguished any glimmer of hope. Fine by me.

Someone once asked me what made her so special. I can't answer that question with concrete, coherent sentences. That's because I haven't connected that deeply yet. No i dont think I would want to lie about this one. I certainly did retain info about my having a someone in my life for a while, but that was an unwanted relationship. I was trying to extricate myself out of it. Why can't I have the choice of doing so and not be judged as a liar?

I can handle the pains of a rejection. What I can't comprehend is how one could come up with that decision without even giving the benefit of a doubt. I gave every ounce of honesty that I deemed necessary to uphold whatever level of relationship we had, but it only seemed like someone was trying to strike me out.

It's fine. because i stopped having feelings a while back already. I stopped because I've been in this situation before. And i know that the nice guy finishes last. So yes, my behavior was the nice guy behavior. I can go all out "bad" or "humorous and naughty", but that's just not the reformed me. And to be honest, online flirting isn't my style.

Whatever. Sick and tired of playing the waiting game.

I didnt put all my eggs in the basket. Because I knew about the risks.

And boy did the worst outcome happen.

Good that i planned beforehand for this.

Screw you and Houston. I wasn't going to head to a state that i have never been to or born in. I have the East Coast and West Coast to consider. Not going to let you trample my self-respect at all. Fuck you.



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