week 2...at its end

being a clerk at the hospital is fun...yeah u heard me right. fun. i wished i had more time to do that. but again i have other things to handle before i can truly focus on hospital work. to be honest i dont mind. im used to working under pressure now. everything will be good.

been learning how to interpret X-rays, CT, and MRI. been really interesting to learn it from real cases instead of blurry black and white pictures back when we were in our fourth year courses. I wonder what i will learn next!

going to grand round soon. hopefully give an update about it later. peace out people.

and...the bet is off. cant make that bet when there is certainty in the matter of you moving back not happening. take care and i hope ur grandparent will enter whatever course she has to undergo for the rest of her life. I wish her well. If there is a miracle, then it must be God's work in the making. If not, i guess she already spent a good deal of her last years in a happy state. I cant change anything. nor can i wish anything.

im going to let go of the restraints i placed on myself and let fate decide the rest.

Stress

Every place holds its own stress through its own unique pulse. In every corner, there's solace that one seeks. Truth be told, every relationship is like so. Even a relationship that doesn't have a clear map brings that too. No one is free from stress. Stress exists because it has to.

So i am not going to fuss about the ups and downs in any relationship, be it romance or work, friendship or sports. Instead, i would try to view the problem and approach it in a different manner. Reflect and think about the reality of the situation, and then work it out.

Final exams in the US must be tiring for anyone, including those in high school or community college. I guess i have been too stressed out in my own academic setting that i forgot how tough it is back then. Being a clerk in the hospital now provides me unlimited resources to learn firsthand and to try my skills on the field. Stress indeed.

Government exam is also a stress factor that i can not ignore but can not tackle at this point in time.

Stress builds up, can be relieved, but can never be lost.

Therefore i accept what i had done to survie and will mull through whatever storm i built. That's life.

Deceit and honesty

They go hand in hand.

So is there any difference?

just a little bit. sometimes deceit is intended for protection...and i find my corners of privacy slowly encroached by those who care but can't penetrate through.

call me selfish, but sometimes i prefer to keep it to myself. learnt from past lessons that being completely honest on some things on the net just aint cut for general public.

CONFORMATION and COMPROMISE.

My focus should be with the Lord.

Fluctuations that affect me significantly happen and alter the outcome of my regular life not because they are important. It's because I didn't give Jesus a shot at helping me out. My instinct to take matters into my own hands too often had hindered the progress of my spiritual growth as well as my QOL (quality of life).

I need to see the world clearer, but each time i try, the walls of medicine close up on me again.

A lot of people are in med school now and i wonder why i chose to stay here....i was a pretty darn good student too. If they can do it, how come i cant? How did i lack so much faith in myself?

These questions are asked too late. Now I can only hope that I'd get my chance to go to UCSD medical center. maybe see timmy cheng lol. I dunno what to say when he does see me tho....

Waiting and betting

Waiting for the second best thing of the year to come strains the heart but keeps it excited at the same time. The best thing that's happened to me this year is my restored dedication to my faith as a Christian. There's a lot to look foward to. Restarting my bible reading and stuff, hopefully making up for the lost time last school year. I have also checked out some books that i might be interested in reading from time to time. Again, not being too greedy, so i am aiming to get 60% of the goals i have sort of set up.

For the most part, betrayal of brotherhood gave me an awakening to certain things. that includes not trying to fit into other people's values but instead try and hold myself accountable to my faith and MY own values. If what i do is in account with what the Lord wants then it's totally fine. Everyone has their own set of principles. I have mine too, and apparently I sacrificed a bit too much to a certain "brother", whom I thought cared about my feelings. Sometimes it really takes some guts to stand up for what i believe in.

On the other hand, i am betting that by december or january of next year i would be able to see you. I know you are trying your best, and I won't put any pressure on you. The "bet" is that we'd be able to work things out at a time when i am transitioning from school to hospital. God bless us all.