It's over. After a year of emailing, MSN, and talking. My e-friend haha. I guess I wasnt there just yet. I don't put all my eggs in a basket just coz the basket is attractive or what. I placed a number into it. I don't have that many baskets....but you can't blame the fact that I don't feel the security of doing so. The only person I would do that for would be Jesus Christ himself. Something people here need to know, is that I'd never sacrifice self-esteem, self-respect, and my future because of just one person who isn't even related to me on a higher emotional level. I may be romantic and all that, but i know when to stop a bad investment when i see one. The eggs had slowly left the basket the moment I sensed the withdrawal. The emails that never got back. The phone calls that ended with crappy remarks. I am not a dumb-ass. I knew what was going on, but still i left that one egg in the basket, hoping you'd prove me wrong. I gave you the benefit of a doubt, but you extinguished any glimmer of hope. Fine by me. Someone once asked me what made her so special. I can't answer that question with concrete, coherent sentences. That's because I haven't connected that deeply yet. No i dont think I would want to lie about this one. I certainly did retain info about my having a someone in my life for a while, but that was an unwanted relationship. I was trying to extricate myself out of it. Why can't I have the choice of doing so and not be judged as a liar? I can handle the pains of a rejection. What I can't comprehend is how one could come up with that decision without even giving the benefit of a doubt. I gave every ounce of honesty that I deemed necessary to uphold whatever level of relationship we had, but it only seemed like someone was trying to strike me out. It's fine. because i stopped having feelings a while back already. I stopped because I've been in this situation before. And i know that the nice guy finishes last. So yes, my behavior was the nice guy behavior. I can go all out "bad" or "humorous and naughty", but that's just not the reformed me. And to be honest, online flirting isn't my style. Whatever. Sick and tired of playing the waiting game. I didnt put all my eggs in the basket. Because I knew about the risks. And boy did the worst outcome happen. Good that i planned beforehand for this. Screw you and Houston. I wasn't going to head to a state that i have never been to or born in. I have the East Coast and West Coast to consider. Not going to let you trample my self-respect at all. Fuck you. | 
